Rantings of a muthenya

i woke up feeling like a truck had been driven through my throat.its so sore i can barely swallow saliva with out wincing let alone food.so much for my week of celebration.
i should propobly mention that these festivities arenot likely to end anytime soon.i also happen to be graduating.dont get me wrong,i wound up school a while back but in true waste-you-time spirit ive had to wait a while.so its my birthday and im also graduating in two weeks an if all goes well ill be starting my masters two weeks later.

Short term life plan: CHECK

now here's where things get complicated there's a fork in this road of life that im walking.on the one hand i want to specialise in my field IR specifically conflict management and resolution but im also abit if an artsy girl.on numerous occasions i will get a bolt of inspiration and create an item that my mother and sundry will compliment as a wonderful product and that i should spend more time creating stuff.but roho safi i know the reality of my fears and cowardice.my brother has only spent the last few years reminding me of them.so while i have an interest,i have never executed it into much action.ive applied to afew schools for the more "serious" option but only one for the less "serious" one which i should mention that i got accepted into then totally punked out and deferred for like a year.focusing. so dont think for one second that i dont know that im a coward.on the contrary, on most days im a coward and proud of it!but this one thing does eat at my shrinking conscience and i know i need to man up and make a decision before i start thinking of becoming a chef (which i wouldnt mind being by the way) and then im really screwed.
whoever said getting older meant getting wiser wasnt living my life!