All in a day's work! the Rant.

Its cold, I mean it’s freaking cold either that or I have a serious problem. It’s like every year Nairobi gets colder and colder. And why not? In this day global warming age it only makes sense. So every morning I get up and start my layering regime. I’ve stocked up on stockings, which btw are so freaking hard to get in this here Nairobi. Lets not even discuss gypsy’s or that crap they are selling in exhibitions and the ones in Bata hmmm I’m yet to know which country they has in mind when they were making them. However I have loaded up on them coz they are heavier that the others and none of them has run on me on the first day. I digress. The stockings, the trousers, the vest, the long-sleeved shirt, the sweater, the jacket, the scarf and the very closed shoes. By the time I leave the house I look like an Eskimo going into battle I grab my coffee mug and I’m off. The moment I open the door I feel like I might as well be naked coz the breeze cuts right through the layers and knocks the warm air clean out of my chest, bummer.
I’m sure all ya’ll are shaking your heads like I’m crazy but in my defense that’s why I have not yet ventured too far away from these here tropics. Snow will be the death of me for sure. I remember stepping off the plane in Zurich in the middle of a snow storm temperatures in the -ve degrees on my way to see my sis. I have never seen clothing freeze that fast. My jeans turned to stone and all I could do was burst into laughter. That was where the decision was made-No sun, No education. I ain’t going! I don wanna! You can’t make me! So hate me if you will!
Moving on….I have figured out how to walk across town from where I drop off to the office with minimal exposure to the biting wind a) use all arcades b) stay in the shelter of buildings/cars/bushes/plants/etc c) use other pedestrians as wind breakers J
So I make my way across town and my only stop is the zone where I buy my ndao na samosa mbili-it’s amazing how much I eat in this weather I’ve gone from half a chapo to a ndao to a ndao and a samosa and now two. I only stopped there coz I was too scared (read embarrassed) to ask for another one. Besides I’m having trouble fitting into the nguos now so no more.
With breakfast in hand I make my way the short distance to the office plonk myself into my chair and stuff my face. Now, I can take on angry and irrational customers who want to spend money they don’t have. Customer service is a hard job. Fortunately for me its all on the phone so I can sound like and angel with a horrid look on my face. People don’t seem to understand that we in customer service DO NOT control bank operations so if your check doesn’t go through only accounts can sort you out. Also if the atms are down guess what I can only tell you what the IT guys tell me WE ARE WORKING ON IT!
On the flip side though there are the guys who as so nice and considerate and have high IQs that they use so it’s not all bad.
Then there are the ones who make your day while freaking you out all at the same time. This one guy was having trouble making a payment online and had called kadha times one day, called the next day and the next so on the second day I ask if he was the same guy from jana and he’s rather touched that I remembered and now asks for me specifically when he calls. So after helping him all that I could I wait for him to hang up, not. Then it begins
‘So…. (groan) what’s your name again?”
Me: disco…. (we’ve been through this)
Your so helpful, thank you
Me: you’re welcome, just doing my job.
So you’re in xyz department?
Me: yes…. (that’s what I said when I picked up the phone)
So when I come there I can come see you?
Me: (you’re kidding right?) yeah sure we operate five days a week…. (groan)
So then si you give me your number I call you when I’m coming?
Me: (MEGA GROAN)….hmmm you don’t need to call in advance just come we’ll assist you (my attempt at keeping it business. Let it not be said that I did the encouraging)
Ok then ill see you next week
Me:Okkaaaayyyyy……………. (AHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
‘Click’

All in a day’s work!

I'm hungry again must fight temptation to eat more then again its almost lunch ;-)

Encounters with the Drunk African Male

I had a lot of trouble with my shoulder all weekend. I wondered and considered until finally I remembered, by God I remembered. The beginning: I had attended the wedding of a former workmate purely under duress. On leaving the wedding I was informed that my presence was EXPECTED at the evening party so since I was accompanying my baby I decided to shelf the excuse and suppress the exhaustion for the good of the dude. As unexciting as the party was I stuck it out, for the sake of the chap again and by midnight I was contemplating a quick exit that included a bee-line to my bed. However after a few smiles and the promise of good things to come, I put on a tight-lipped smile and braved another hour. Ooooh how I wish I hadn’t. seemingly fascinated by this chic that their friend had brought to the wedding, his pals made their way one by one to size me up and see if I was worthy of him. One in particular had some mad storos that he felt I should know before the night ended and that my friends is where the torture begun. The end: With every point he made he emphasized by depositing a good slap on my back just below my right shoulder. At first I humored him after all how many points can he possibly make? Bad decision!!!!!!! Needless to say after twenty minutes of PAINFULLY animated conversation, I had had enough, I had lost all feeling in my right arm and shoulder and I was running out of tissues to wipe my face with as he seemed to be spraying more that he was saying so I pried myself away from his presence and made for the door. I was going to be anywhere but where that chap was. After making it very clear I was done for the night, we left.
At one point in between slaps, it was like I had left my body as I was watching it being slapped from across the room. I remembered in that moment that my sister had once been in a similar, albeit slightly different situation-see Proud Nyeuthi’s blog for details on the Encounters with the Afican male (Kenyan edition). The lesson: Prou I apologise for laughing at you then and I hope to God neither of us has to suffer at the hands of these Kenyan men ever again. The bottom line: I am taking a stand against ignorant batterers of women. Fellas, please spare us the grief and the medical expense. Despite what we claim we do actually have delicate dispositions and we do bruise easily, be gentle!

Pthhuuuuuh....You owe!!!!!!!!!

The funniest thing about working for a bank, besides that last week of the month before pay day when things are so thick is usually Friday, the week after pay day. After your taxes, standing orders and credit card payments there is only so much left. It’s the week when every one who calls is audibly holding their breath as they request their credit balance. Belts have been tightened so severely that the mere availability of a few hundred shillings better still a few thousand, brings such a sigh of relief that the rush makes people rather chatty. They want you to know exactly what it is they intend to do with their hard earned money-
Client: you know I have a harambee (fundraiser) what was I going to take?
Me: I don’t know? (Read I’m not interested)
Another Client: so I have money (that’s what I said!)now what can I do this week end?
Me: Enjoy? (read I don’t really care)
Etc etc by the middle of Friday afternoon I was so fed up I became amused. It doesn’t matter who you are baller, bum, staff, stranger the reaction is the same.
One guy asked me “why am I suffering so much if I have money?”
I weighed all my response options for a second then decided I didn’t want to get fired so I let it go and asked him “why, indeed?”
The thing is that these people know very well what the state of their account is, they just want the satisfaction of being reminded that- ITS NOT YOUR MONEY SO PAY IT UP or of simply missing the deadline by a whisker.
My only advice, take that credit card at your own risk and remember that the universe is not that kind, she gets pissed off every so often!