Of rats and inappropriate name-calling

I knew it would be a weird day as soon as I woke up. Mondays are not usually good days but I’m getting over that lately. Sometimes they suck more than usual but mostly they have become quite bearable.

So after getting stuck in the worst traffic I’ve been in quite a while, I managed to enter a government office and was out in a record three and a half minutes. I know hard to believe it can take such a short time to renew my licence that expired more than two weeks ago but that I’ve been driving with all the same.

So I got to the office twenty minutes late though no one seemed to notice. I settled down and started crunching the numbers when out of the corner of my eye I catch a movement at the door to the bathroom. Now on any other day I would tell myself that I’m seeing my own things but I know I’m not. This is the little rat in residence at our office and since this is not our first encounter, I simply lift my legs lest the little bugger feels the need to run over them all the while keeping an eye on my discarded shoes which would be a cosy place to hide from the big bad world.

Sadly the next I saw of our poor guest was when his little body came sliding across the ceramic-tiled floor, DEAD at my feet! Benjamin took it upon himself to put the office out of its misery by sending the poor rat to its maker. Needless to say I was a prisoner at my desk coz there was no way I was going around it to encounter the dead rat.

It is while I was imprisoned at my desk that what’s-his-face decides he wants to get my attention and I guess since he can’t remember my name decides what the hell,

What’s-his-face: Mami?
Me: silence!
What’s-his-face: Mami?
Me: silence!
What’s-his-face: Disco?
Me: Yes?
What’s-his-face: why weren’t you answering?
Me: to what?
What’s-his-face: I called you mami kwani you’re not a daddy’s girl?
Me: (with very VERY puzzled look upon my face) huh?
What’s-his-face: even your uncles don’t call you mami?
Me: No!
What’s-his-face: no one?
Me: No I come from a family where we endeavour to use each other’s names. Is that all?
What’s-his-face: can I borrow a pen?
Me: (quite fed up I hand over the pen)

Whirl wind conversation taking place in my head:

What the hell is wrong with this chap? How is it that you think that if maybe every male member of my family calls me mami then you automatically have a free pass? You have got to be kidding me and this is a NO KIDDING ZONE!!!!! Also this is the same moron who keeps asking about my sister, who once worked for the company I work for, despite the fact that he is married
Fortunately now my life is now rid of rats of all species.

Will the good guys please stand up?

I’ve finally figured out the big mystery. Not nearly soon enough but then better late than never, right?

Anyway, women are always complaining that there are no good guys out there. The truth of the matter is that there are more than enough good guys out there.

I will admit that I have only recently left the school of thought that argued that all good men are either taken (married/engaged/in relationships), gay or your friends. It is a good speech to feed yourself when you try to figure out what’s wrong with you or what are you doing wrong. Console yourselves ladies that there is in fact nothing wrong with you, well...not really anyway.

The truth is that where guys are concerned women are divided into two categories: potential wife material and fun-times girls. So...which one describes you then?
If you’re wife material then I sympathise with you because then you and I are in the same boat.

You are the ones who guys can have intelligent conversations with about sold out markets, the ICC, pirates and the price of oil.

You are also the one he is more than willing to take to a company dinner, office cocktail or networking fete.

You make plans for coffee and lunch, dinner and a movie; drinks at the quiet lounge with the piped music and the well picked out mingle at his house.

He cooks for you and does the dishes, even when you cook for him and insists on helping you if you really must do them yourself.

He calls you almost regularly, remembers your birthday and you can talk all day via email or chat about nothing in particular.

He knows exactly what you drink and how you like it and even gone as far as to order for you before you even get there. He’s an almost perfect gentleman.

He makes sure you get home safe and calls the following day to thank you for the good company, make sure you’re ok or just to say hi.

He talks about family and kids and his mum with you. He’s comfortable with you, maybe even a little bit vulnerable.

He makes references to what a good wife and mother you’ll make and may even sometimes how you would make him a good wife but always in jest.

You’ve never had sex even though you came close that one time when he said he wanted to take it slow.

He’s not ready to settle down yet and with you that’s what he wants so he doesn’t want to “mess it up!”

If on the other hand you are a fun-times girl, then I also empathise. You are the exact opposite of the wifey.

You never know what the plan is until you get the call. Each conversation begins the same way: “Where are you? Si you come to ________ (insert name of bar/house party location here).

The only time he calls you in advance is to find out if you down for the weekend getaway. It’s never a party without you after all.

You never do anything together, just the two of you, or in day light for that matter, except that regular visit to the bar or to a house party. Oh and don’t forget to bring your hot girlfriends!

He never remembers your birthday and if he does, it’s just because it’s yet another excuse to get plastered.

You hardly know a thing about his family or his job except for where he generally works but you know each and every one of his watering holes and of course his drinking pals.
Whenever you talk about settling down or getting married he, and his pals, burst into laughter at the mere thought.

He’s always telling you how much he likes you but always keeps his distance when you’re in public. NO PDA! His rules.

He’s just not ready to be in a relationship but he keeps making reference to “her” and how she would make a good girlfriend/wife.

He never does the dishes when your around and even has the nerve to ask you to “make us something, since you’re up” and you were just going to the bathroom or to get a drink of water.

The long and short of it is that good guys are out having such a good time living life, what with a good job/career with even better prospects and a considerable disposable income, that settling down is the last thing on his mind. What he has done it put down a blue print of what he sees as his future thus saving him the trouble of having to do it later but that IS for later.

So the next time you meet a guy and you’re not sure where you stand with him, look at how he treats you and you’ll know exactly what he thinks of you. Whichever way you fall it’s up to you to decide if that’s where you want to be.

If you’re not happy about it then I guess you’ll have to do something about it, won’t you? If you’re sitting at home wondering then what’s wrong with you and where all the good guys are? Then they are having a good time hoping you’ll stick around and wait for them to be done having a good time. If you’re sitting at the bar wondering why he doesn’t see you the way you see him then I hope this helps you figure that out. Just remember that it’s not going to be you he picks when he’s done having a good time. His blue print is safe at home away from all potential ruin waiting for him to be done having a good time.

I am no fun-times girl but I don’t plan on sitting home wondering if and when he’ll be done having a good time. What do you say ladies, lets live a little!

Lists Part II

I really like:

1. The fact that i’m edging closer to achieving my dream
2. My family.
3. A guy, he doesn’t know! And if he does...he is goo-ood!
4. That i can do almost anything with my hair and get away with it because it still looks good...and its mine!
5. Real hair.
6. My hair
7. Lilies.
8. Cooking fun stuff.
9. Making fun stuff
10. Intelligent conversation with intelligent people.
11. That i have friends i can count on to tell me the truth when i really don’t need to hear it.
12. The rain even when i’m in it
13. Guys.
14. Girls who think i’m hot.
15. That i finally have booty. What...? i was a late bloomer!
16. Good wine.
17. Good food.
18. Good sex.
19. Being single.
20. That there are so many things to like in these trying times.

Lists!

Not one to be left out i have done my list of things that i don't like. It was rather hard to limit it to 20 but i tried. Enjoy:

I really don’t like:

1. People who waste my time.
2. Weaves! (ladies independ yourselves.)
3. Bad weaves.
4. Really bad weaves.
5. People who shave their eyebrows (do you not know what they were put there for?).
6. People who then draw their eyebrows.
7. People who draw really outrageous eyebrows.
8. Traffic.
9. Traffic that doesn’t even bother moving.
10. The heat in Nairobi these days.
11. Politics anymore (sucks to be a political scientist right now)
12. Being broke which seems to be happening a lot lately.
13. The state of roads in the country.
14. How boring my job can be sometimes.
15. Bad nail art
16. Braids that have seen better days, weeks, months.
17. That our neighbourhood is being overrun by monkeys, REAL monkeys.
18. That said monkeys have been eying my blossoming banana that’s just about ready for harvest.
19. Bad sex.
20. That there are so many things not to like.